When Jesus Insists

Hello sweet sisters! It has been so very long since I last posted a blog post, I have heard the crickets! I truly have no excuse other than disobedience and a bit of laziness thrown in. I will blame the start on the holidays, broken wrist recovery, but the longevity of this break has been the disobedience. Blogging is a bit like exercise, once you stop for any length of time is is REALLY hard to get started again!

 

Today I have something different to share with you, I have wanted to start vlogging since I attended She Speaks and have been fearful. You know the fears of: I look fat on camera, my house is messy and not cutesy, I have ZERO idea how to create a video. But I set them aside and went for it! I almost let the I don’t know how to create a cool intro stop me, but it hit me that is only the enemy talking and I need to share what the Lord has put on my heart. So on the worst day of the week and the worst hour to post, I am posting my first vlog even if it just for a party of One.

 

 

You can find me sometimes on these amazing sites! 

Is Your Jesus Hat Crooked Too?

Today my Jesus hat is a little crooked, heck make that the last couple of days weeks! What in the world is a Jesus hat you ask? The Jesus hat is when you are so focused on the Lord, and when its on perfect and straight you are praying for your entire Facebook friends list, sending encouraging text messages, soaking in the presence of the Lord…this hat IS an AWESOME hat to have and to wear that isn’t what this is about.

I’m talking about the crooked hat moments of life when you can’t even bring yourself to pray for your family let alone everyone you know, when you can’t look at a piece of scripture without something inside of you clenching, when you receive those encouraging text messages and you inwardly groan. When your so darn tired of running that you just aren’t sure you can put another foot in front of the other, when satan has attacked at every angle and your hands are in the air surrendered.

Well girls I’m so thankful we are loved by a God who is bigger than all that! A God who has not only run the race but won the race for us! Paul tells us in Philippians that:

“I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.”

We aren’t running a sprint that is accomplished with a burst of energy but we are running the marathon of life. We need more endurance than the greatest Olympian to ever run! When we run this race we can’t keep looking back, when we do we burn energy that we don’t have to waste. Nor do we have extra energy to look to the left and right we only can look ahead, ahead to the prize that we are called to. When we slow down to look to the left and right we are comparing our journey to those beside us. They have beautiful journeys but when we stop to look we begin to let ourselves wonder why? Why do they have such an amazing house, why do they get to have children, why do they get to have a body that works and is healthy…..why, why, why…..

The Lord has blessed us with our journey, our families, our friends, our neighborhoods for a purpose, and when we let our Jesus hat stay crooked for too long we lose sight our race and our true purpose. Our purpose is to live transparent, authentic Jesus filled lives.

So today I ask Jesus to straighten our hats, to lift up our chins, and heal our battle wounds. Father my heart is weary and I know that others are too so I ask that you give us the strength to continue -the endurance to place another foot down. Father you have called us to live lives that are glorifying to You so let us be purposeful intentional woman of the Lord. Father I ask that you cultivate relationships that honor you, that encourage each other, and transparent so that we can hold each other up when the other is weary.

Hole In My Heart

I grew up in a home that didn’t have a lot, a lot of money or freedom to be who I was created to be. So my lessons in self-control were from necessity. Well I left those unpleasant experiences behind me as soon as possible which ended up being about 16. That’s when I got a job so I had the money to buy the “things” I so desperately thought I needed. I soon realized how fun that was but I still wasn’t being filled so then I searched for the freedom I craved freedom to go where I wanted, date, spend time alone with boys. This unfortunately allowed me to try and fill that spot in my heart with all the wrong things. I had spent 16 years being told no, either no there was no money or no because I wasn’t worth it.

So for the next few years I spent searching for a way for my heart to be complete, I allowed portions to be filled by being open to God’s plan to marry young to help me avoid the heartache of the path I was on the brink of walking but I didn’t understand that “the boy”- the man I’m still married to wasn’t the actual answer. The answer was the Lord-trusting in Him, in His plan for me, His love that wasn’t conditional like everyone else’s around me seemed to be. Girls are you seeking for a way to be filled? Can I tell you it will not be with clothes, the newest gadget, popular friends, the boy you long to date or the boy you long to keep by giving him your body. It will be finding who you are in Christ…you are loved, cherished and He LONGS to be in a relationship with you. Not an occasional conversation but an ongoing daily journey that you need to say yes to everyday.

Hurting Heart

Do you ever have those times in life that your heart just hurts? Maybe you can’t even really say why it aches with a lacking or a longing you just can’t put your finger on. That has been my heart the last few weeks. Everything around me has been going well, my hubby got a less stressful better paying job, summer is here, what more could a girl need right? Well it does need something and I think we are created to know what it is we need or seek but we can be unwilling to admit what it is. It is a joy that only comes from the Lord, my time with the Lord has been minimal lately and the time I spend “with Him” has been doing what needs to be done for the youth group another item to mark off my check list. My challenge to myself over the next few days is to truly seek the Lords face listening for Him to speak in my life.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Sin is sin love is love

I have been thinking about love and what Jesus says about love. He says to love everyone as yourself,  I don’t know about you but I tend to treat myself pretty good.  This isn’t a qualified love, its not a love that says well since you have this sin or trial in your life I can’t love you until you get your hot mess cleaned up. It’s a love that says I love you just as you are, a love that says I know you have crap (I have crap too-so please love mine!) yet I choose to love you. It’s a love that is made up of enough strength to say you have this sin going on and you need to clean it up. (This works both ways so tread gently in pure love!) Our jobs as Christ followers is to love well and this doesn’t apply to only those easy to love but to ALL those around us.  How are you loving?

Slow down He wants to talk to you…

Wow, how God has been working in my life lately! Two weeks ago I attended a women’s retreat with my fellow church ladies the theme was being a child of God/your identity in God. The best and most intense part of the weekend came almost at the end with a simple prayer exercise, one I had never done before. There was music playing and the speaker asked us just to get silent with the Lord and to write down whatever He may be telling us on the note card that she had given us.

So as I sat on the floor clearing my head wanting to hear what the Lord had for me I got “stop fighting me”…well I didn’t want to hear that I mentally said what else do you have Lord there has to be something better for me to hear…I again get “stop fighting me” I don’t want to write that down Lord this goes back and forth a few more times when finally with a shaking hand I write down “Stop fighting me” as I continued to listen with tears streaming down my face. I was also told:

I want you.

Be patient

Need refining-haven’t finished yet

As the song played through once more I sat wrestling with the Lord about my need for direction, and how He wants me to serve Him, if I’m “good enough” to serve Him in a greater capacity. So as the song ends for the second time the speaker says I’m going to have Jennifer pick up your card {which I DID NOT want anyone else to see} She goes on to say that the words that we wrote may not be for us but for someone else in the room. She asks Jennifer to pass out the cards not in any kind of order but just go with the Lord’s leading.

She heads for me first and I as look at the card and its message written there, my heart is pierced, especially when these words are combined with the words God gave to me. I have reassurance and a renewed confidence in the journey that I’m to take for the Lord.

The card I received read: Confidence…..is good. But be humble.

God is in control. He has a plan and I don’t get to-and don’t need to-understand.

I trust Him not to give me more than I can handle.

I am doing what He wants me to do~He told me.

I am on a journey surrounded by two friends to grow closer and deeper with the Lord these words were given to me shortly after drawing my circle to say I seek you with more intention and obedience Lord. How He longs to speak to us and encourage us if only we take the time to slow down and listen.